I suffer from depression. There, I’ve said it!
I’ve had days where all I wanted to do was cry. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t care if the sun came up or went down. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I hated feeling the way I did. I finally was able to afford to go to the doctor. She prescribed me some medicine. She didn’t want to go as far as say that I suffered from depression. The medicine really didn’t help. It only took some of the edge off. I was still crying and feeling very down on myself, having suicidal thoughts.
One day, there was an accident that happened with my grandson. I didn’t know he had crawled up by the truck door while I was talking with my son. I shut the door on him! I drove home all the while yelling at myself and calling myself names. I tried to hurt myself once I got home. I went to bed and prayed for death. In the early morning hours, I woke up and called a friend. I told him I needed help. I was having a nervous breakdown.
To make a long story short, I went to the ER who then sent me to a mental hospital. I was there three days. I talked to counselors and doctors. My medicine was changed and I opened up to the counselor and my tears flowed. Apparently, I had a lot of “stuff” eating away at me. Once I had truly cried and was honest with myself, I felt so much better. I was told that what happened with my grandson was an accident. (My precious grandson was fine. There were not even any marks on him).
Since my hospital stay, I have tried to stay positive. My writing helps me to express how I truly feel. I still have days where I smile through the depression. Then, there are times when I am wrapped inside my wonderful husband’s arms and am able to let the tears run like rivers down my cheeks.
I stay away from negative people. I try to find the positive side in everything. I talk with God daily. And, yes, I sit quietly so I can hear what He says. I count my blessings daily.
Hope your day is full of sunshine and laughter!
Laurie Jackson 🙂
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