Why? How?

Why do I feel like this? Well, that’s an easy answer. I’ve been taking an anti-depression medicine for 5 years. That is a long time. The amount of dosage kept getting changed. Two months ago, I started taking lower dosages so that eventually I could just stop taking it. I was prescribed this medicine years ago because of a situation that happened with myself and my grandson.

I’ve been completely off the medicine for maybe two weeks. I’ve been a bag of emotions. Some days, I’m not sure which way to go or which way is up! I want to run around in circles, shaking my hands.

The symptoms I’ve had today were from being happy this morning to tears this afternoon. I rested for about 20 minutes today. It helped. While I was resting, this wave of coldness washed over me. It started at the top of my head and moved on down to the tips of my toes. It was weird. I didn’t like it. The same thing happened yesterday, too.

This afternoon, I was in the truck waiting for Alex to come out of Walmart. I could have sworn the sun visor moved ever so slightly! I’ve noticed that since I’ve been completely off Citalopram, my speech has changed. I have trouble talking, almost like a stroke symptom. In my brain, I know what I want to say, but when it reaches my mouth, it comes out like gibberish. The back of my neck on the right side hurts. At random times, it feels like the inside of my head, like my brain, is going faster and faster and I can’t get it to slow down, much less stop. I get easily distracted and can’t focus. Sometimes, it is hard for me to breathe. It’s like my air gets caught in my throat. Cry? Yes, I cry at the most silliest stuff. Watching television with Alex the other night, I cried at the birth of a baby.

I feel really well in the morning, ready to write. I feel like today is the day I will actually get some writing done. Once I’ve sat down in front of the computer, the feeling is gone. Then, I tell myself to do a recipe blog and write a memory about it. Once the recipe is written and posted, I do a second recipe or at least try to.

There is no way on Earth that I could EVER be a drug addict. I do not understand how anyone could put weird drugs in their bodies. I don’t get it. If the way I feel now is the way someone feels coming off a high, NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Thank God for my wonderful husband! He has more patience than I even knew was possible with anyone. I could not fight this battle of withdrawal without him.

I am fighting the worst battle of my life but I will win in the end. If you are going through depression, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are on anti depressions make sure your doctor is monitoring them properly. Don’t just let them give you some and then never think about them again. That is what happened to me and now I am going through this.

I hope your day is wonderful!

Laurie Jackson

Please feel free to visit my website. Thank you!

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