But Daddy….Why?

My daddy was my hero until I grew up. I thought he hung the moon until I grew up.

I remember giving him a good night kiss on the cheek until I grew up. He never responded to me. It was always a kiss and an “I love you, Daddy.” No response.

One night, I asked Mom why Dad never said anything in return. She said that he grew up in an era where men did not show affection. My daddy didn’t know how to show love. He was beat as a child.

She tried to reassure me that he still loved me. I believed her until I grew up. He had a funny way of showing it. Thing is that it really wasn’t that funny.

Dad called me hurtful names. I believed him even after I grew up…until I met Alex. To this day, I still feel unworthy until Alex talks with me and tells me different.

People did not believe us when we said that Dad abused us. They were in shock. Everyone thought that Dad was this great man until we told them the truth. Surprise!!

What happened behind those closed doors, stayed behind those closed doors until we grew up and learned to use our voices. I know I was ashamed for having an abusive father.

My first marriage lasted 23 years. My husband was verbally abusive. He called me hurtful names. I believed him until I divorced him. He had me so scared to go out by myself that I just stayed home all the time. His thing was, “What are you going to do if you have car trouble? I can’t always come running. You know I have to work.”

If I did something that he did not approve of, I’d hear those same hurtful words that Dad used to say to me. I believed my husband until I divorced him.

After my divorce, I was scared. I felt alone. I struggled. One day I woke up and told myself to shake it off. I tried to rebuild my self-esteem and confidence. I was scared and nervous going back to work after 18 years of being a stay-at-home mom. I went to counseling. My kids told me that the divorce was the best thing for me. They could tell that I have grown as a person. I have stepped outside my comfort zone. I believe them even to this day.

I used to tell myself that I was a strong woman. I believed me even after I met Alex. He tells me each and everyday that I am beautiful. He tells me that he loves me. He tells me that he is grateful for me being in his life.

I believe him even to this day!

This story is fictional or is it??

May you feel the warmth of sunshine on your face.

Laurie Jackson

 

 

 

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