What Can I Say?

What would I say to an ex? Depends on the ex, first of all.

If it was to the first ex that I was married to for 23 years, I would say so much. It’s been nearly eight years since my divorce. He wants nothing to do with me, which is fine. Well, actually, it’s not fine. I wanted to try to maintain a civilized relationship with him because of the kids. He refuses to speak with me. I mean, there are going to be weddings and births of our grandchildren. I am going to be at the weddings as well at the births of our grand babies being born.

I have to admit that I was hurt when I found out he had filed for divorce. I did not find out, though, until after talking to a lawyer, myself. Instead of trying to work out our problems, he just went and filed for divorce. I feel that he took the easy way out. I will not go into the depths of what led to the divorce. I will say that blame lies on both sides. I realize that I am a hard person to live with. He hurt me. Therefore, I hurt him.  It took me a few years that I will never get an apology from him. I did write him a letter first apologizing for all that had happened. I received nothing in return.

Like I said, it’s been nearly eight years. If I had a chance to talk with him again, this is what I’d say.

Thank you for the 23 years we had together. They were not all bad. That in itself is evident because of our five children. Thank you for my children. Four healthy sons and a beautiful daughter. They were and still are my blessings. Yes, they were a handful but I would not have missed out on raising them.

I wish I could say thank you for helping me raise them. I can’t. You left by 5 in the morning and came back at 5:30 or 6pm at night. You’d eat supper and disappear outside to work on something or down the street helping someone. Even on weekends, you’d work overtime. Only had Sundays off. Would you work on completing renovating our home? No. Would you spend time with the kids? No. You had to be working on something all the time. You know, our middle sons idolized you. In their eyes, you could do no wrong. I never told you this but our second son asked me why you always had to work. “Why can’t Dad just spend some “fun” times with us?

I want to say thank you for teaching me that money cannot buy happiness. You always were about the almighty dollar. Our first son used to tell you that money is the root of all evil. He was right then and still right today. You worked to make money. Where did that leave you? Alone and lonely.  Still working and still making money. Are you happy? I doubt it. I truly believe that you do not know how to be happy. You were never really happy unless you were working. Sitting around nearly killed you. Relaxation was not your thing.

I want to thank you for scaring me to death when I had to drive anywhere. Then wonder why I refused to take the kids to the doctor. You scared me so bad that even today I have trouble driving period. You used to ask me what I’d do if I had car trouble. I’d call you, I told you. Would you buy me a cellphone, though? No. You said it was a waste of money. Yet, in 2016, you have a cellphone.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for divorcing me. The day I signed the papers, I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I have grown in so many, many ways. I asked our daughter what she thought if we were to get back together. Her response still rings true. She said it would be a horrible mistake. She asked me why would I do that? She could tell that I was a different person. I started to laugh again. I am happy again. I am a strong, independent woman. You probably wouldn’t recognize me anymore.

You know what gets me? You dating my first cousin. That’s right FIRST cousin! How wrong is that? It is not only wrong but it is so weird! What did she do? Wave that list of to-dos in front of your face? Is that what it was? Even when we were married, you often went to help her with stuff. Did you two hook up then? No, don’t answer that. I don’t really care anymore. You two belong together because you are both so negative. Your negativity wore me out.

Thanks to the divorce, I have learned to love myself again. I have found true love. He loves me. Each and everyday I can tell he is IN love with me. He treats me with respect. We do not have money. You know, though, I could not be happier. He has accepted me for me even with all my little quirks. We laugh everyday. He has accepted my kids as his own. They even call him their step-dad.

So, goodbye, my ex. I have moved on. May you eventually have the kind of happiness you so desperately search for.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. 🙂

Laurie Jackson

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