Fear

Sit back, relax and have a sip of coffee. Let me tell you a story.

Fear:

I have experienced plenty of fear in my life. One experience of fear sticks out, though. When I had to get a job after 18 years, I was scared!

I was blessed and lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom for 18 years. I was blessed with being able to watch my children grow. At that time, I had five children. (Now, I am blessed with six.) It was during a time where two income families had not been heard of.

Well, my children were all in school. So, a mom from the area heard I did childcare. She stopped by with her son. We talked for a bit and I agreed to take care of her son for her after school. At noon time, my husband called me. I mentioned to him that I was going to start doing childcare. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he did not like the idea. He just wanted to take care of me. He didn’t want me to do anything but take care of his kids and keep the house clean. Too bad. Throughout the years, I watched many children. I even had a part-time job as cook for the elementary school.

Now that I was bringing in money, my husband wanted me to get a real job. Okay. I guess being a stay-at-home mom was not a real job. At least in his eyes. Rarely would he come home and find the house a mess. Dinner was always on the table with the kids sitting around it. When he came home and found the house a mess because I had not had time to clean it, he’d ask me what I do all day. One particular day, he asked me that and it ticked me off. I asked him if he saw all those kids around the table? I said they are still breathing, right? I took care of your kids! That’s what I do all day!

I realize that I am getting off track.

We had been married for 18 years and the problems started. He left for work earlier and earlier. He came home later and later. After 23 years, he filed for divorce without telling me. During those five years, we went to counseling. That worked for a while. Our marriage never went back to the way it was in the beginning.

Shortly before he filed for divorce, I realized that I needed a good paying job to support myself just in case. The day I applied for the job, I was so nervous and scared. I had not really worked outside the home in 23 years! The job I had applied for was close to home. It was at a golf course doing landscaping.

I learned so much about myself with that job. I was so excited when I was hired on. I was the landscaping assistant. I learned that I loved being outdoors. The fresh air and the people I worked with made me feel good. And the paycheck was nice!

After working for months, I knew there was no reason to have fear.

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

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