The battle is over

This is Laurie’s husband Alex.

It is with a very heavy heart that I must say that Laurie has lost her battle with her brain cancer. At 4:30 am on Mar 14, 2017 Laurie passed away. She fought hard for 8 months (to the day) and suffered much. She is at peace now.

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I Can’t BUT~~ I Can

I feel that I can’t do much because of my hands. Tremors have taken over my hands. I DON’T LIKE IT!!!!

Instead of going to negative side, I’m going to stay positive about this whole thing.

My right hand is the worst. I’m going to work with it. Did I tell you I’m right handed? Meanwhile, I’ll be using my left hand.

I’m sorry if there is mistakes on here. I have not been typing in a very long time. I used my left hand plucking away on here.

It is short and I’m tired. Must go rest now.

Talk to you later!

God bless!

Laurie Jackson

This Journey I’m On

This is quite the journey I am on. Not one I ever thought I would be taking.

I was in the hospital in July.  I had a brain tumor removed. Then,  I went to rehab for nine days. Came home until the end of September when I had a grand maul seizure (my brain sifted slightly). At the end of October, I had a another seizure. Found out I had steroid induced diabetes. In November, I had yet another seizure. Come to find out I had to have a CT scan. I had bleeding ulcers. Had to have an upper GI and a blood transfusion. I did not end up in the hospital in the month of December. Thank God! I was getting tired of hospitals!!

I’m getting tired now. It took me forever to write this. It is hard to find the letters. I’ll get it one of these days, though.

God bless!

Laurie Jackson

What Can I Say?

have cancer! I have cancer! I have cancer!

Nope, anyway I write it, I don’t like it!!!

I will not let it define me. I plan on putting a world of hurt on this cancer. I will fight this with all my strength. I am counting on God to be by my side the entire time. I know He will be! I also know with the Lord by my side that I can do this! God never gives us more than we can bear! If He brings you to your knees, pray. I’m not angry at God. When I ask myself, “Why me?” God answers with, “Why not you?” My faith is strong. Apparently God believes in me!  Besides, I have my Mama’s sass. My baby sister, Mindy, put up a hell of a fight for 11 years. She is my role model. I never heard her complain about being ill or anything. She went through radiation and chemo, as I will be. This cancer doesn’t have a chance in hell to defeat me!!

Thursday, July 14, 2016, my life changed. I had brain surgery to remove a tumor which, unfortunately, was cancerous. I have glioblastoma multiforme. It is stage 4. It is the Grandfather of all tumors. (I can’t do anything simple. No, I have to do it big all the way or don’t waste my time. Haha!)

For the most part, I am positive. I am a roller coaster of emotions. The doctors tell me that it is to be expected. This tumor is the last thing I ever expected to take place with me.

Alex and I had been planning a trip to Canada when all this happened. We still have not received his passport card. We agreed to go somewhere just to get out of the house. The hospital was not what we had in mind! Being away from home for three weeks was unbearable. I was getting bored and irritable. I (should say WE) wanted to go home.

A week before I went to the ER, I had been having trouble with texting, finding the correct spelling of my words and slurring of my words. Alex noticed I was slurring my words. The following Monday we went to the ER in Wentzville. The doctor ordered a CT Scan. He made the discovery of the tumor. (I’m sorry I do not remember his name. He was very thorough.) He sent us to Dr. Neiles right away. I was transferred by ambulance to St. Joseph Health Center in St. Charles.

Eat that dessert first! Drink that wine or whiskey, which ever suits your fancy. Live each day to the fullest.

God Bless!!

Laurie Jackson

 

I Am So Blessed!

I have many, many blessings! I can’t even begin to count them all. I have to begin with my loving wonderful husband, Alexander. I can’t begin to say enough about him. He has always been by my side. He has gone beyond–way beyond of caring for me. I mean that with the utmost respect. He is amazing. He slept on two uncomfortable chairs pushed together at the hospital. He refused to leave my side before, during and after my surgery. I felt bad for him because there was no one there with him when the surgeon came out to talk with him. Alex had to take the news alone. No one should have to take that kind of news by themselves.

He stayed with me the entire time I was at the rehab hospital. I was there nine long days. I suffer from anxiety issues. Being put into crowds or busy gyms was not helpful. I was grateful for my hubby being there the entire time. He watched over me while I was doing the different therapies. There was occupational, physical, speech and group therapies. Those therapists did not “play nice”. I have to say that they expected a lot out of the patient. I couldn’t have recovered so quickly without working hard. I received a badge and a certificate for completing therapy. I was so proud of myself. I, also, knew that family and friends were proud of me!

Paul, the guy who ran the group therapy, said to me one day, “Don’t give up!! Never give up!” He had been trying to help me recall something from the past and I couldn’t. I had been struggling. He was a pretty amazing teacher. He was pretty funny.

The hardest therapy for me to do was the mental part. It was so hard for me to recall a certain amount of words after a certain amount of time went by. The therapist distracted me with conversation. It was hard!

When I arrived at the rehab hospital, I couldn’t tie my shoes, or brush my teeth very well. I had trouble talking. I couldn’t get up by myself. Now, I can shower almost alone. I can brush my teeth really well. I can put my shoes on and tie them!

Oh, did I mention that I had brain surgery?

Enjoy the day!

Laurie Jackson

Update on Laurie

First I would like to apologize for taking so long to post an update. It has been a week and a a half since Laurie’s surgery and I have been by her side the whole time.

The pathology report came back and it was as suspected. Laurie does have cancer. The tumor was a high grade glioma multiforme blastoma. It is the most aggressive of the primary brain tumors. The surgeon told us it will come back, the oncologist told us that treatment will eventually stop working. How much time we have it not known at this time. She will be seeing a neuro oncologist on Aug 8th at the Siteman Cancer Center in St Louis, MO. The doctor specializes in this type of tumor.

The tumor affected Laurie’s right side (causing weakness and some loss of direction from her brain to arm and leg). It also affected her speech and language area. She has aphasia (difficulty in finding her words and getting them out) – both spoken and written (texting and typing included). She has been at a rehabilitation hospital since last Wed night. She gets physical, occupational, and speech therapy. She is making amazing progress. I have no idea if she will ever be able to blog again, but I know she will try her hardest to. She loves to write and she loves this blog.

Below are some pictures of Laurie’s journey so far:

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Alex – Laurie’s Husband

Prayer – Update

Laurie made it through the surgery without any complications. They removed a tumor just bigger then a golf ball. She had a good night. She has been talking, eating jello, laughing and crying. Her speech is still affected and will probably need therapy. The right side weakness showed some improvement then slid back a bit. She is still trying to sleep off the anesthesia.

We could possibly have the pathology report today. She has a long road to recovery but she is a fighter and will make it through this.

Alex

A Prayer

This is Laurie’s husband. I am writing this because Laurie is in the hospital and will be having brain surgery tomorrow (Thursday July 14th). On Monday a CT found a 3 cm mass on the left side of her brain. Over the last 2 weeks it has been affecting her speech, ability to text, write, type, and spell. It is considered an aggressive tumor because of how fast the symptoms have progressed. Yesterday weakness on the right side of her mouth showed up and has moved to her arm today.

She is a talented writer and this is devastating for her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We don’t know yet what type of tumor it is or what other treatments will be needed. We won’t know this until the tumor is biopsied tomorrow.

I will update this when I know more.

Thank you everyone

Alex Jackson (Laurie’s husband)

Sing That Song

I love to sing. I’ve been singing probably since the age of 6.

It was Christmas time and in order to open our gifts, Grandpa wanted to hear us sing first. I remember standing on a bench in the garage. (That’s where our tree was at the time.)

I was in junior choir, youth choir and the adult choir. While me and my siblings were in youth choir, the group toured to different churches to sing. We wore blue long sleeve shirts and blue jeans. It was so much fun.

I sang in the adult choir for many years. Then, I started getting nervous and I could feel my face get super red. A few times I really thought I’d pass out.

On occasion, my siblings and I get together and sing in church for Mom. She is proud of us for our singing talent. We don’t want to sing professionally. We do it because we enjoy it. My brothers sing bass and tenor. Two of my sisters sing alto and the rest of us sing soprano. (There are seven of us.)

The Christmas before my Grandma Helen passed, my siblings and I sang for her at Mom’s home. We sang a cappella. I glanced at Grandma during the hymn…that was a mistake. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. I could feel my eyes water. By the time we finished singing, I believe we were all in tears.

I enjoy singing to the radio. I’d like to think I have a good voice. It’s just that it cracks and shakes when I get nervous. I used to sing while driving to work. The radio was cranked up and I sang my heart out. Even with depression, I enjoy to sing. Singing brings me out of my funk.

If you feel like singing, do it! Who cares who’s watching or listening. Sing and be happy!

Have a blessed evening!

Laurie Jackson

 

Mountain

There’s a mountain that I have to climb every day. I tell myself that I get to the top of that mountain. I believe in myself enough to know that one day I will overcome that mountain. It sits there staring at me, just daring me to climb it. So, I tell it to bring. it. on!!

I suffer from chronic severe depression and social anxiety.  I know I am not alone in suffering with depression. We must fight together to get through this. Maybe one day there will be a cure for depression.

I also have a bum foot, so I can’t work. I’m on disability. I hate being on disability! I would much rather be working. People do not understand. They think that since Alex and I are on disability, that our life is so easy and that we have endless amounts of money. Haha! That’s a joke! I fought for long 7 years to get my disability. I did not receive that much back pay. If you have the ability to work, for your sake, WORK!!! Trust me when I say, it will be better in the long run.

So, when that voice, aka mountain dares me to give up, I tell myself no way. I will not give in! I will not give up!! I believe in myself that I will get to the top of that mountain. I will overcome depression. I refuse to let it take over my life.

Stay strong! Stay positive! We’ve got this!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson