The battle is over

This is Laurie’s husband Alex.

It is with a very heavy heart that I must say that Laurie has lost her battle with her brain cancer. At 4:30 am on Mar 14, 2017 Laurie passed away. She fought hard for 8 months (to the day) and suffered much. She is at peace now.

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I Can’t BUT~~ I Can

I feel that I can’t do much because of my hands. Tremors have taken over my hands. I DON’T LIKE IT!!!!

Instead of going to negative side, I’m going to stay positive about this whole thing.

My right hand is the worst. I’m going to work with it. Did I tell you I’m right handed? Meanwhile, I’ll be using my left hand.

I’m sorry if there is mistakes on here. I have not been typing in a very long time. I used my left hand plucking away on here.

It is short and I’m tired. Must go rest now.

Talk to you later!

God bless!

Laurie Jackson

This Journey I’m On

This is quite the journey I am on. Not one I ever thought I would be taking.

I was in the hospital in July.  I had a brain tumor removed. Then,  I went to rehab for nine days. Came home until the end of September when I had a grand maul seizure (my brain sifted slightly). At the end of October, I had a another seizure. Found out I had steroid induced diabetes. In November, I had yet another seizure. Come to find out I had to have a CT scan. I had bleeding ulcers. Had to have an upper GI and a blood transfusion. I did not end up in the hospital in the month of December. Thank God! I was getting tired of hospitals!!

I’m getting tired now. It took me forever to write this. It is hard to find the letters. I’ll get it one of these days, though.

God bless!

Laurie Jackson

What Can I Say?

have cancer! I have cancer! I have cancer!

Nope, anyway I write it, I don’t like it!!!

I will not let it define me. I plan on putting a world of hurt on this cancer. I will fight this with all my strength. I am counting on God to be by my side the entire time. I know He will be! I also know with the Lord by my side that I can do this! God never gives us more than we can bear! If He brings you to your knees, pray. I’m not angry at God. When I ask myself, “Why me?” God answers with, “Why not you?” My faith is strong. Apparently God believes in me!  Besides, I have my Mama’s sass. My baby sister, Mindy, put up a hell of a fight for 11 years. She is my role model. I never heard her complain about being ill or anything. She went through radiation and chemo, as I will be. This cancer doesn’t have a chance in hell to defeat me!!

Thursday, July 14, 2016, my life changed. I had brain surgery to remove a tumor which, unfortunately, was cancerous. I have glioblastoma multiforme. It is stage 4. It is the Grandfather of all tumors. (I can’t do anything simple. No, I have to do it big all the way or don’t waste my time. Haha!)

For the most part, I am positive. I am a roller coaster of emotions. The doctors tell me that it is to be expected. This tumor is the last thing I ever expected to take place with me.

Alex and I had been planning a trip to Canada when all this happened. We still have not received his passport card. We agreed to go somewhere just to get out of the house. The hospital was not what we had in mind! Being away from home for three weeks was unbearable. I was getting bored and irritable. I (should say WE) wanted to go home.

A week before I went to the ER, I had been having trouble with texting, finding the correct spelling of my words and slurring of my words. Alex noticed I was slurring my words. The following Monday we went to the ER in Wentzville. The doctor ordered a CT Scan. He made the discovery of the tumor. (I’m sorry I do not remember his name. He was very thorough.) He sent us to Dr. Neiles right away. I was transferred by ambulance to St. Joseph Health Center in St. Charles.

Eat that dessert first! Drink that wine or whiskey, which ever suits your fancy. Live each day to the fullest.

God Bless!!

Laurie Jackson

 

Update on Laurie

First I would like to apologize for taking so long to post an update. It has been a week and a a half since Laurie’s surgery and I have been by her side the whole time.

The pathology report came back and it was as suspected. Laurie does have cancer. The tumor was a high grade glioma multiforme blastoma. It is the most aggressive of the primary brain tumors. The surgeon told us it will come back, the oncologist told us that treatment will eventually stop working. How much time we have it not known at this time. She will be seeing a neuro oncologist on Aug 8th at the Siteman Cancer Center in St Louis, MO. The doctor specializes in this type of tumor.

The tumor affected Laurie’s right side (causing weakness and some loss of direction from her brain to arm and leg). It also affected her speech and language area. She has aphasia (difficulty in finding her words and getting them out) – both spoken and written (texting and typing included). She has been at a rehabilitation hospital since last Wed night. She gets physical, occupational, and speech therapy. She is making amazing progress. I have no idea if she will ever be able to blog again, but I know she will try her hardest to. She loves to write and she loves this blog.

Below are some pictures of Laurie’s journey so far:

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Alex – Laurie’s Husband

Prayer – Update

Laurie made it through the surgery without any complications. They removed a tumor just bigger then a golf ball. She had a good night. She has been talking, eating jello, laughing and crying. Her speech is still affected and will probably need therapy. The right side weakness showed some improvement then slid back a bit. She is still trying to sleep off the anesthesia.

We could possibly have the pathology report today. She has a long road to recovery but she is a fighter and will make it through this.

Alex

A Prayer

This is Laurie’s husband. I am writing this because Laurie is in the hospital and will be having brain surgery tomorrow (Thursday July 14th). On Monday a CT found a 3 cm mass on the left side of her brain. Over the last 2 weeks it has been affecting her speech, ability to text, write, type, and spell. It is considered an aggressive tumor because of how fast the symptoms have progressed. Yesterday weakness on the right side of her mouth showed up and has moved to her arm today.

She is a talented writer and this is devastating for her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We don’t know yet what type of tumor it is or what other treatments will be needed. We won’t know this until the tumor is biopsied tomorrow.

I will update this when I know more.

Thank you everyone

Alex Jackson (Laurie’s husband)

Mountain

There’s a mountain that I have to climb every day. I tell myself that I get to the top of that mountain. I believe in myself enough to know that one day I will overcome that mountain. It sits there staring at me, just daring me to climb it. So, I tell it to bring. it. on!!

I suffer from chronic severe depression and social anxiety.  I know I am not alone in suffering with depression. We must fight together to get through this. Maybe one day there will be a cure for depression.

I also have a bum foot, so I can’t work. I’m on disability. I hate being on disability! I would much rather be working. People do not understand. They think that since Alex and I are on disability, that our life is so easy and that we have endless amounts of money. Haha! That’s a joke! I fought for long 7 years to get my disability. I did not receive that much back pay. If you have the ability to work, for your sake, WORK!!! Trust me when I say, it will be better in the long run.

So, when that voice, aka mountain dares me to give up, I tell myself no way. I will not give in! I will not give up!! I believe in myself that I will get to the top of that mountain. I will overcome depression. I refuse to let it take over my life.

Stay strong! Stay positive! We’ve got this!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

Dear Office, Chair, Etc…

Dear Office, Chair, Desk and Laptop,

Have you missed me? I’ve missed you! Where have I been? I’ve been laid up for the last month.

I had foot surgery May 3. Since then, I have not felt like doing diddly! I have tried to write a couple of times but it wore me out. I’ve been sitting in the recliner with my foot up. Unfortunately, I’ve let myself sink into a mood that I do not like. It’s like there is a voice telling me that it’s easier just to be down and blue than it is to be happy. I know that’s not true. I’ve had bits of crying spells. I only cry long enough to get it out of my system. Afterwards, I’m better.

I should realize by now that it always takes me awhile to get back to my old self after any surgery. I had a doctor appointment yesterday. He said my foot is healing nicely. He also said that I can start wearing my shoe again, at least around the house. I tried it this morning and it felt weird having it on again. Being able to wear my shoe will help so much. I’ll once again feel like getting out of the house.

To my office, chair and laptop, I promise to try to get back into writing. I’ll try not to ignore you anymore. Writing keeps me sane. It also gives me something to do. I haven’t abandoned you, I promise. I just haven’t been able to walk. I’ve been riding in a wheelchair. Each morning, it’s been the same thing over and over. Get out of bed, go to the recliner, and just sit. Eat breakfast and shower. By the time I get back to the recliner, I’m worn out. I don’t feel like doing anything. Hence, the sadness sets in.

I went to talk with Sara. She is fantastic!  I always feel better and more positive after chatting with her. She gave me a link that I can go on for my own personal support. It’s wonderful. It’s helpful, as well, since I suffer from chronic depression.

The sun is shining today! It always makes me feel better to see the sun!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

 

Huh?! What?

So…ya know how every few miles you see salons? Those walk-in salons where you don’t need an appointment? Aren’t they just so much fun?

Why I keep going back to this particular salon is a mystery to me. I guess maybe because I don’t need an appointment.

Well, my hair was getting long and driving me crazy. I wanted to let it grow long just like my great-grandma had. (She had beautiful white hair that ran all the way down her back. Very rarely did we see her wear her hair down.) Anyway, I was at the point, just to forget about growing my hair out.

It was a Sunday afternoon and my husband was outdoors cutting grass. I sent him a message saying I wanted a haircut today. He came in and said let’s go. We drove up the street to this salon. We walk in and the lady behind the counter asked me if I wanted a haircut. I said yes. She turns to my husband who is bald and asks him if HE wanted a haircut. Seriously?? Couldn’t this woman see he has no hair? Don’t you need to have hair first to get a haircut???

My turn came up and I followed the woman to the chair where I was to sit. (While I was waiting my turn, I looked through a hairstyle book to see if I could find a hairstyle that I liked.) I found a style and took the book with me to show the lady how I wanted my hair cut. What a joke.

I showed her the picture and she closed the book and laid it on the dresser. She puts a cape on me. Someone walked in and she muttered something and walked away from me. She did this at three or four times! Was there a problem? What in the world was she doing?? She came back to me, took a few cuts off my hair, and was distracted again! She finally came back and apologized. She kept telling me how hungry she was, too. (Just because you’re hungry and need to eat doesn’t mean that gives you the right to mess up on a patron’s haircut!!) She took a few more snips off my hair, hands me a mirror so I can see the back of my head. I told her the back looks great.

She asked if I liked the rest of my hair. I asked her if she could give my sides a more layered look. She took a step back and looked at me like I spoke in some foreign language and suddenly had three heads. She cut a bit more off ONE side of my head. I looked at myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw! My hair on the right side looked like I just got up out of bed. It was laying all haphazardly. The left side of my head was sticking out like I had just been scared. She took the cape off and walked away from me. I glanced at my husband like what just happened?

I walked up to the counter and my husband paid. He kept looking at me really strange. He asked me questions about my haircut. At this point, I just wanted to scream at him to please just be quiet! He paid and I practically ran out of the salon. I wanted to cry.

We went home. I was upset. I went to the salon’s website and sent a message to the corporate office telling them of my experience with this salon. I received a message back telling me that someone from this salon would give me a call. Blah! Blah! Blah!

A week later someone did call me. I was told to come back in and the owner of the salon would fix my hair for me. I thought good luck. It’s pretty much messed up. I went back and the owner of the salon apologized profusely almost the entire time I was there. She took one look at my hair and told me that she was going to try to fix it.

The woman who had cut my hair the week before was there. She kinda looked at me strange. I sent her a message with my eyes that said you messed up my hair! I want a real stylist with experience to cut my hair. It was pretty obvious she wasn’t experienced at all.

My hair still doesn’t lay the way I want it to but it does look some better. Alex made the comment that the next time (if there is a next time) that he’s going to tell the ladies he wants the full works…shampoo, style, haircut. They’d probably look at him like he has three heads.

Have a wonderful day!

Laurie Jackson