I suffer from depression. There, I’ve said it!
I’ve had days where all I wanted to do was cry. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t care if the sun came up or went down. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I hated feeling the way I did. I finally was able to afford to go to the doctor. She prescribed me some medicine. She didn’t want to go as far as say that I suffered from depression. The medicine really didn’t help. It only took some of the edge off. I was still crying and feeling very down on myself, having suicidal thoughts.
One day, there was an accident that happened with my grandson. I didn’t know he had crawled up by the truck door while I was talking with my son. I shut the door on him! I drove home all the while yelling at myself and calling myself names. I tried to hurt myself once I got home. I went to bed and prayed for death. In the early morning hours, I woke up and called a friend. I told him I needed help. I was having a nervous breakdown.
To make a long story short, I went to the ER who then sent me to a mental hospital. I was there three days. I talked to counselors and doctors. My medicine was changed and I opened up to the counselor and my tears flowed. Apparently, I had a lot of “stuff” eating away at me. Once I had truly cried and was honest with myself, I felt so much better. I was told that what happened with my grandson was an accident. (My precious grandson was fine. There were not even any marks on him).
Since my hospital stay, I have tried to stay positive. My writing helps me to express how I truly feel. I still have days where I smile through the depression. Then, there are times when I am wrapped inside my wonderful husband’s arms and am able to let the tears run like rivers down my cheeks.
I stay away from negative people. I try to find the positive side in everything. I talk with God daily. And, yes, I sit quietly so I can hear what He says. I count my blessings daily.
Hope your day is full of sunshine and laughter!
Laurie Jackson 🙂
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I used to work at a golf course doing landscaping. My hours were 6am to 2pm. I had a short drive to my kids school. Picked them up by 2:45pm. We drove home and I prepared food that my kids could heat up for dinner. After that, I threw a load of laundry in the washing machine. I had to get a few hours of sleep before I went to my second job. I worked overnight from 8pm until 4:30am stocking shelves.
I kept both jobs while I could tell my body was getting worn out. I ignored that nagging little voice in my head telling me to stop working so hard. One morning, I was driving to my landscaping job when I fell asleep at the wheel. I awoke with the front tire off in the ditch. Right then and there I made a decision. I quit my landscaping job but kept my overnight job.
Things slowed down after that. I promised myself I would never have two jobs again. My health had been troubling me. I constantly had migraines. I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I was feeling like a robot.
Life has slowed down completely now. My kids are grown and on their own. Now, I am able to spend everyday with my husband and our dog.
Hope your day is full of blessings and sunshine!
Laurie Jackson 🙂
Feel free to visit my website.
I was sitting on my front stoop trying to relax. It’s my favorite place to be after school. I had my snack and soda by my side. I was ready to just sit and not think about anything. I heard a train rumble on down the tracks behind the house. I always wanted to ride a train.Going off to strange and wonderful new places.
I was brought out of my daydream by a loud crash from across the street. I looked over to see that the neighbor, Mr. Latches, had dropped something that had been made out of glass. There was smithereens of glass all over his driveway. I couldn’t make out quite what he was saying but it didn’t sound pleasant. His wife had exited their house when she heard the noise.
“What happened?” She yelled. (I think the entire neighborhood heard her.) Mrs. Latches threw her arms into the air. “Oh my gosh! Where’s the angel we always hang each Christmas?”
Mr. Latches looked down at the mess on the driveway. I saw him point to it. Mrs. Latches screamed and stomped her foot. “My angel! My beautiful glass angel!! What did you do?”
By this time, Mom had joined me on the stoop. “What is going on over there?” she asked me.
“I don’t know. Something broke and Mrs. Latches is upset. I think I heard her yell something about a glass angel.”
“Oh my goodness. It would be shame if it were the glass angel. It sure looked pretty all lit up,” Mom said.
“Mom, why do they start putting up Christmas decorations in the beginning of October?”
“Well, Hun, I don’t know. Every year, it seems that their display gets bigger and bigger. It takes a lot of time and energy to put up all those decorations,” Mom said.
There was another loud crash from across the street. “So much for relaxing after school,” I mumbled. “May as well go in the house.”
Mom and I stood and entered the house. As I closed the front door, there was more yelling from the neighbors.
Hope your day is full of laughter and sunshine!
Laurie Jackson 🙂
The house I grew up in still sits in the middle of two hundred acres of farmland. To get to this place, you have to drive down a dirt road into the valley. Trees sit on hillsides surrounding the house. The outside of the house still has white shingles on it. I moved into this home with my parents and three older siblings when I was 18 months old. Four more siblings followed after me. There were ten people living in the cramped house. For many years, six of us kids shared one bedroom. There were two sets of bunk beds and a single bed in one tiny little room. One closet was crammed full of six kids clothing. For many years, I had to share a bedroom with siblings. One day, Dad decided to finish the upstairs. The three older siblings moved up there.
Did I mention we had one bathroom? For ten people–crazy. Looking back now, I do not know how we did it, but we did. Bathing consisted of my two sisters and myself in the tub at one time. We couldn’t waste water. When it was time to get ready for bed, we lined up to the bathroom and Mom made sure we washed our faces and brushed our teeth. Air conditioning-what was that? This was 1962. When we did get a fan, Dad had to have it because he worked outdoors as a laborer. Many hot summer nights, we sweated our way through sleepless nights. In winter months, Dad waited until 10 below to decide that we needed to cut wood. If we wanted to stay warm, we had to help.
If the walls of my old home could talk…there were some good times and not so good times. Inside those walls I called home, were laughter, arguments, spankings and crying. When one kid got sick, it would be guaranteed all the kids would catch it. Me and my siblings got strep throat so many times, all Mom had to do was call the doctor and he would prescribe medicine.
By the way, Mom did not know how to drive. My uncle usually took her to the grocery store.
Watching television consisted of us piling into Dad’s truck and driving to Grandpa and Grandma’s house. We only did this on Saturday nights to watch Lawrence Welk. Growing up on a farm there were always chores to be done, before school and after. Sitting at the table when Dad came home from work, was required. No one could talk because Dad wanted to tell Mom about his day. Have mercy on us kids if Dad came home crabby….
I grew up near rural Augusta, Missouri. My childhood wasn’t the best but it could have been worse. I try to only think of the good memories and to stay positive.
Thanks for stopping by!
Laurie Jackson 🙂
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Being in a new area, my husband and I have met a few people in our neighborhood. One gentleman has stood out, though. Chet is an 80 year old man that I met while my husband and I were in our yard. His yard runs into our yard with no fence in between. He strolled up to us and said howdy, introduced himself and welcomed us to the area. If we needed anything to just let him know. He became very friendly and talkative. My husband, Alex, and I found out that Chet was an electrician by trade. He still does electrical work six hours a day a couple of times a week.
He told me his age and that he had had a heart attack a few months back. Since then, he has learned to love life and to appreciate the small things. Since that day of meeting Chet, I have noticed that he is always doing something for someone. He had a huge garden this year. He and his wife offered us tomatoes, watermelon, cantaloupe, and green beans.
We didn’t have a lawn mower when we first moved here. Chet and his wife cut our yard for us. He said he was just being neighborly and happy to help us out. I see him every now and then on his lawn mower going down the street. We have chickens that are free range. He told us not to worry about chasing the chickens out of his yard. He wants them to eat the bugs.
Chet has touched my life and has taught me to appreciate life.