The battle is over

This is Laurie’s husband Alex.

It is with a very heavy heart that I must say that Laurie has lost her battle with her brain cancer. At 4:30 am on Mar 14, 2017 Laurie passed away. She fought hard for 8 months (to the day) and suffered much. She is at peace now.

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Update on Laurie

First I would like to apologize for taking so long to post an update. It has been a week and a a half since Laurie’s surgery and I have been by her side the whole time.

The pathology report came back and it was as suspected. Laurie does have cancer. The tumor was a high grade glioma multiforme blastoma. It is the most aggressive of the primary brain tumors. The surgeon told us it will come back, the oncologist told us that treatment will eventually stop working. How much time we have it not known at this time. She will be seeing a neuro oncologist on Aug 8th at the Siteman Cancer Center in St Louis, MO. The doctor specializes in this type of tumor.

The tumor affected Laurie’s right side (causing weakness and some loss of direction from her brain to arm and leg). It also affected her speech and language area. She has aphasia (difficulty in finding her words and getting them out) – both spoken and written (texting and typing included). She has been at a rehabilitation hospital since last Wed night. She gets physical, occupational, and speech therapy. She is making amazing progress. I have no idea if she will ever be able to blog again, but I know she will try her hardest to. She loves to write and she loves this blog.

Below are some pictures of Laurie’s journey so far:

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Alex – Laurie’s Husband

Prayer – Update

Laurie made it through the surgery without any complications. They removed a tumor just bigger then a golf ball. She had a good night. She has been talking, eating jello, laughing and crying. Her speech is still affected and will probably need therapy. The right side weakness showed some improvement then slid back a bit. She is still trying to sleep off the anesthesia.

We could possibly have the pathology report today. She has a long road to recovery but she is a fighter and will make it through this.

Alex

A Prayer

This is Laurie’s husband. I am writing this because Laurie is in the hospital and will be having brain surgery tomorrow (Thursday July 14th). On Monday a CT found a 3 cm mass on the left side of her brain. Over the last 2 weeks it has been affecting her speech, ability to text, write, type, and spell. It is considered an aggressive tumor because of how fast the symptoms have progressed. Yesterday weakness on the right side of her mouth showed up and has moved to her arm today.

She is a talented writer and this is devastating for her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. We don’t know yet what type of tumor it is or what other treatments will be needed. We won’t know this until the tumor is biopsied tomorrow.

I will update this when I know more.

Thank you everyone

Alex Jackson (Laurie’s husband)

Sing That Song

I love to sing. I’ve been singing probably since the age of 6.

It was Christmas time and in order to open our gifts, Grandpa wanted to hear us sing first. I remember standing on a bench in the garage. (That’s where our tree was at the time.)

I was in junior choir, youth choir and the adult choir. While me and my siblings were in youth choir, the group toured to different churches to sing. We wore blue long sleeve shirts and blue jeans. It was so much fun.

I sang in the adult choir for many years. Then, I started getting nervous and I could feel my face get super red. A few times I really thought I’d pass out.

On occasion, my siblings and I get together and sing in church for Mom. She is proud of us for our singing talent. We don’t want to sing professionally. We do it because we enjoy it. My brothers sing bass and tenor. Two of my sisters sing alto and the rest of us sing soprano. (There are seven of us.)

The Christmas before my Grandma Helen passed, my siblings and I sang for her at Mom’s home. We sang a cappella. I glanced at Grandma during the hymn…that was a mistake. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. I could feel my eyes water. By the time we finished singing, I believe we were all in tears.

I enjoy singing to the radio. I’d like to think I have a good voice. It’s just that it cracks and shakes when I get nervous. I used to sing while driving to work. The radio was cranked up and I sang my heart out. Even with depression, I enjoy to sing. Singing brings me out of my funk.

If you feel like singing, do it! Who cares who’s watching or listening. Sing and be happy!

Have a blessed evening!

Laurie Jackson

 

Mountain

There’s a mountain that I have to climb every day. I tell myself that I get to the top of that mountain. I believe in myself enough to know that one day I will overcome that mountain. It sits there staring at me, just daring me to climb it. So, I tell it to bring. it. on!!

I suffer from chronic severe depression and social anxiety.  I know I am not alone in suffering with depression. We must fight together to get through this. Maybe one day there will be a cure for depression.

I also have a bum foot, so I can’t work. I’m on disability. I hate being on disability! I would much rather be working. People do not understand. They think that since Alex and I are on disability, that our life is so easy and that we have endless amounts of money. Haha! That’s a joke! I fought for long 7 years to get my disability. I did not receive that much back pay. If you have the ability to work, for your sake, WORK!!! Trust me when I say, it will be better in the long run.

So, when that voice, aka mountain dares me to give up, I tell myself no way. I will not give in! I will not give up!! I believe in myself that I will get to the top of that mountain. I will overcome depression. I refuse to let it take over my life.

Stay strong! Stay positive! We’ve got this!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

Dear Office, Chair, Etc…

Dear Office, Chair, Desk and Laptop,

Have you missed me? I’ve missed you! Where have I been? I’ve been laid up for the last month.

I had foot surgery May 3. Since then, I have not felt like doing diddly! I have tried to write a couple of times but it wore me out. I’ve been sitting in the recliner with my foot up. Unfortunately, I’ve let myself sink into a mood that I do not like. It’s like there is a voice telling me that it’s easier just to be down and blue than it is to be happy. I know that’s not true. I’ve had bits of crying spells. I only cry long enough to get it out of my system. Afterwards, I’m better.

I should realize by now that it always takes me awhile to get back to my old self after any surgery. I had a doctor appointment yesterday. He said my foot is healing nicely. He also said that I can start wearing my shoe again, at least around the house. I tried it this morning and it felt weird having it on again. Being able to wear my shoe will help so much. I’ll once again feel like getting out of the house.

To my office, chair and laptop, I promise to try to get back into writing. I’ll try not to ignore you anymore. Writing keeps me sane. It also gives me something to do. I haven’t abandoned you, I promise. I just haven’t been able to walk. I’ve been riding in a wheelchair. Each morning, it’s been the same thing over and over. Get out of bed, go to the recliner, and just sit. Eat breakfast and shower. By the time I get back to the recliner, I’m worn out. I don’t feel like doing anything. Hence, the sadness sets in.

I went to talk with Sara. She is fantastic!  I always feel better and more positive after chatting with her. She gave me a link that I can go on for my own personal support. It’s wonderful. It’s helpful, as well, since I suffer from chronic depression.

The sun is shining today! It always makes me feel better to see the sun!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

 

Fake Or Real

I hate fake, especially fake friendships. If you are going to be nice to my face one minute but stab me in the back the next, you can just go on your merry way. I have no use for you. I do not have the time, energy or patience to waste on people like that.

I can’t stand drama. Someone close to me seems to get a thrill causing drama. It seems like this person isn’t happy unless there is drama. Talk about stupid! When I see this going on, I just walk away. I do not need that negativity dragging me down. I have enough stuff going on with my own life. I don’t need or want that crap around me.

I am an extremely honest person. I am not afraid to speak my mind. (It took me many years to get this way. No more walking on eggshells around people, especially in my own home.) If what I say hurts your feelings, deal with it. If you can’t handle the truth, don’t lie to me. I usually have a way of finding out when someone lies to me. My gut instinct stand to attention. I can, also, usually tell if you’re lying to me. If you have shifty eyes while talking with me, just stop talking.

I am an honest person and I am a positive person. Don’t drag me down with your sob stories and negativity.

If you want to be my friend, be yourself and be honest! Please!

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson

 

 

 

Disappointed

I am disappointed in myself today. Let me explain…

I was in a bad mood for…most of the day. (I was going to say ALL day but I remembered something…)

I suffer with chronic depression but that was not the problem today. It was my medicine. I didn’t have the full amount. What I’m trying to say but having a dickens of a time saying it is I only half of the correct amount I usually take. Sooooo, with only half my medicine, I became very crabby. Everyone and everything ticked me off.

That is until we arrived back home.

Ava Rose, my beautiful two month old granddaughter made me smile. She is absolutely perfect. Having her on my lap always makes me feel so much better.

Anyway, after spending time with Ava, my crabbiness faded away rather quickly.

Have a wonderful day!

Laurie Jackson

The Truth?

My eyes…..no mystery there….

If you want the truth, just look into my baby blues…

My eyes are a dead give away.

A friend from years past told me that my eyes were always a dead give away. No matter how hard I try to conceal my true feelings, my eyes show the truth. If someone wanted to know how I was truly feeling or truly thinking, just look into my eyes.

I may say I’m fine by my body language. From the depths of my eyes, down in my soul, may be another story.

Just saying’….

Have a blessed day!

Laurie Jackson